T.A.O.T.G. Episode 2: Of The Admiral, how he characterizes himself, and how I came into his employment.

An impatient and clearly accented voice is on the other end of the line. It`s some form of Euro-English but I can´t tell initially whether its of the UK or Australian variety.

"Hellau?...Yes-Yes, well, Bainbridge here. S. Bainbridge...Admiral Bainbridge, see? Is this Green, extension 7, Acme P.I.?

This sounds like a referral. I open the first drawer of my desk, pull out a comp beverage ticket, and place it next to the phone. This reminds me to ask at some point during the conversation for the caller to identify the referring party. It´s kind of a dirty trick though because I´ll just score a tip on the "free" drink later. It´s dirty pool but then we are kind of a 2-bit operation. I write the letter ´a` in the corner of this ticket because my skills of detection tell me Agnes sent this one my way. She´d be most likely to know someone like this and she´s an alcoholic.

"Yes, Mr. Bainbridge, this is Gr-"
"Oustanding-outstanding...Actually it´s about bloody time; I rang earlier and your line was occupied. What kind of 2-bit operation are you running over there without an answering service? Nevermind, then. Let´s get down to brass tacks here Green.
"Ok."
"Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a small, small man, Mr. Green. A mere crumpet under 5 feet. But I have large, illustrious, IN-dustrious ideas!! I´m an idea man, see? A big picture man. I see the whole bloody picture, loud and clear. Show me 3 eggs, sugar, and a pound of Irish butter, and I see shortbread. There are big picture men and there are detail men; do you follow me, Mr. Green?"
"I...think so-"
"Good-good. I like you Green. I like you a lot. Let me explain."

Talking to this guy is like riding on a Ferris Wheel with the Wizard of Oz. I dont´t know what that means. He goes on:

"You see, I´m starting a new project, well, a buisness, well, let´s call it simply a venture. Or an exploit. And I´m assembling a team of individuals. Skilled individuals, see? Detail people...follow me? I´ll delve into the exploit and the nature of the individuals later. Anyhow, my personality unfortunately prohibits me from trusting anyone. This is where you come in, Mr. Green. I would like to hire you as a member of my team but secretly only as a kind of ´mole´. You will be given tasks in the presence of the other team members but outside of team meetings, your only job will be to watch the others like a hungry, lonely, meat-vulture and report to me explicitly at another time and date about their behaviors. I must know, can you handle this, Mr. Green?"
"Well, I think-"
"Smashing! I knew I could count on you! We´ll meet twice a week, once for team meetings and once for your report. I will pay whatever you want. Fax me a contract. Our first meeting is Wednesday at 8pm. Come round to my flat for a late supper."  

A fax rolls off my machine with the Admiral's address.  He's out of control.

"This will be the first team meeting. See you in 2 days Mr. Green."
"Wait a minute, sir, I-"
"My dentist, Mr. Green: Agnes Borchardt. She spoke highly of you. Fancy that, we have the same dentist...Good day, Mr. Green."
-click-

And thus, the all-knowing, all-powerful Admiral had spoken. Upon de-board of this wacky carnival ride of a conversation, I exhale and flip to ´B` in my Rollodex.

You must be at least this tall to communicate with me.