The Ad Hoc Project

It's everything, basically.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

alternate future

from the prc

woke up at 8
went back to bed at 10, slept till 1
feeling jetlagged

went to muji, bought some gridded pads for writing chinese characters
rode the metro to shaanxi lu, went to the area of parson's school of music
looked for guitar under 1000 rmb. did not find it. back to the drawing board.

walked to yaga's. worked on chinese and bodenschatz paper.
feeling groggy.

studying some chinese now. going to bed.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Opening a New Office - Step 1

The first and most important order of business to consider when opening a new office is the selection of a good espresso machine.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Gross Negligence

I brought it home.
And it died.

I fed it Tortilla Chips and Guacamole but it still died.

I played it a record of a symphony by Jean Sibelius but it died anyway.

It had plenty of daylight. It even went so far as to comment on how nice the daylight was.

Then it died.

I prepared a soft bed for it and read Jules Verne to it. It listened, fell asleep, and then died.

In the summer, I took it to the beach and built it a sand castle. Then it stomped on the sand castle and died shortly thereafter.

On Tuesday, I made it pancakes. It stared at the pancakes for about 7 minutes, then it went outside and drowned itself.

We sat on the sofa together and watched episodes of Seinfeld. About halfway through the third one, it stopped breathing.

My advice would be

next time, don't leave it with me.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy

With world markets crumbling, the unpredictable behavior of crude oil pricing, and the rapid dissapearance of available credit, the economy is headed, as the poet said, the rightway for a smackedbottom and i dont care who knows about it.

In response to this, we are all attempting (or not attempting as the case may be), in our various sectors, to find ways to reduce spending and/or the costs themselves through various methods including firings, undercuttings, overslappings, sidepinnings, bombings, burning of credit documents, gripefittings, pillaging of villages, teargas, paper-towel-usage-reduction, abatement, blackmail, sabotage, strategic whining, and humiliation, to name a few.

The architecture industry has been hit especially hard, since the rich people that architects depend on have become suddenly pessimistic and conservative (with their money, that is). To get through this dark, pathetic, and difficult time, it seems clear that we must start small. On this note, the Ad Hoc project would like to present: Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy.

The short of it is this: NEVER EVER, ever install 3 urinals in a row in a men's restroom. The middle urinal will NEVER get used. Save your client the $78.95 for the middle urinal, and watch them grin in self-adulation for having hired such a brilliant, cost-conscious architect. To explain, we imagine a situation with 3 Urinals labeled 1, 2, and 3, and 3 Men labeled A, B, and C, as well as the following postulate: "When given the opportunity to choose, the average man will NOT stand in a penis-exposed position directly next to another man."

The following tends to occur:

1. Upon entering the empty restroom, Man A will engage either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 (depending upon whether he employs a right or left handed grip), in effect providing a possible Man B with an obligatory 1-stall spacing. Let's say Man A is a south-paw, and he therefore engages the right-most stall (Urinal 3), and initiates evacuation. (The grip-hand is used like a shield, protecting the package from unauthorized inspection.)

2. Upon entering a restroom with Urinals 1 & 2 free and Urinal 3 in use, Man B will instinctively pounce on Urinal 1, regardless of his grip preference.

3. When faced with this scenario, known as a "1-3 Split", Man C will improvise and execute a maneuver called a "Pre-wash Delay", in effect re-routing his motion vector toward the sink for a soapless hand rinse killing the 20-30 seconds until Urinal 1 or 3 is free.

In controlled experiments, the use of partitions seems to have no effect on this phenomenon, as walls only function to heighten the paranoia of being watched.

DISCLAIMER: The Ad Hoc project holds no responsibility for the cancellation of your project even if it occurs despite the $78.95 urinal savings. It that case it was most likely just a shitty design.

/Ad Hoc out.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Evidence of the Antimatterhorn found!

from Reuters:

A night janitor, sweeping corridor 233 between airlocks #28 and #29 of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) near Geneva, Switzerland has found the first evidence of the Antimatterhorn, once thought to exist at the geographic midpoint between the Matterhorn in Switzerland and the Disneyland Matterhorn replica in Anaheim, California.  

Working off of a sketch found in one of Albert Einstein's last notebooks, the National Science Foundation had approached Walt Disney in 1952 about subsidizing the construction of his latest ride so that they could attempt to reveal the existence of the Antimatterhorn, one of a handful of Holy-Grails in theoretical particle physics.  Disney had intented to reconstruct Mount Everest but with this new NSF-backing, changed his plan to build a replica of the Matterhorn instead.  Einstein's notes posit that the ultimate source of electronic sound should exist at the midpoint between the Matterhorn and a 1/100 scale model of the Matterhorn built near the San Andreas fault in Southern California.  This midpoint is on the northern tip of Newfoundland, nearly on the Quebec border.

Jens Schneider, working his second week without overtime pay for the budget-strapped multi-national LHC project, had moved a trash receptacle about 10cm away from the corridor wall, when suddenly he found a pair of headphones appear out of nowhere, magnetized to his ears.  He was then levitated 45cm above the floor.  Gradually, he was bombarded by bass frequencies normally not apparent to the human ear.  "Was ich gehört habe, habe ich NIE vorher gehört, " remarked Schneider.  "Ich habe danach den Ad Hoc Project angerufen weil ich dachte vielleicht Dr. Ad Hoc wüsste was wir machen soll.  Ich hatte recht." 

Following the discovery, the Ad Hoc project has positioned a mobile workstation onsite to investigate further and will oversee all future developments regarding the Antimatterhorn and its potential influence on humanity.

what is known:

1. The Antimatterhorn is the new multi-tronically charged music project overseen by Dr. Ad Hoc.

2. The Antimatterhorn is an extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the Matterhorn, where the Antimatterhorn is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the Matterhorn is composed of particles.

3. Mixing the Antimatterhorn and the Matterhorn would result in the annihilation of both.

4. Mixing the Antimatterhorn and the replica of the Matterhorn would result in the annihilation of Disneyland.

5. The Antimatterhorn cannot be stored in a container made of the Matterhorn or Disneyland because it would annihilate both itself and the container.

6. The Antimatterhorn, when charged, can theoretically be contained in a combination electric field and magnetic field known as a Penning Trap.

Check back here for future releases regarding the Antimatterhorn

/Ad Hoc out.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

how to optimize the system

first select the the people
rotate the people 180 degrees
mirror them so they face each other
put each on a different layer

create a folder
give the folder a name: "Them"
move the people into this folder
move this folder below the "sky" layer and above the "ground" layer

open the folder

adjust the contrast so that the people are stronger against the background

create a new layer "sun"
move this layer above the "sky" layer
use the paint bucket to fill the window with a yellow color

add trees and plants

apply the motion filter


Friday, February 27, 2009

wordological wordism: fyootch

to fyootch:

to time travel backwards, locate friends and contemporaries of one's ancestors (and/or the ancestors themselves), and intervene somehow in reaction to things they are going to do later in life.

various usage examples:

In my dream, Shawn Penn fyootched his great-great-great-grandfather a mean one.

Shawn Penn is a bastard fyootcher.

Cyberdyne Systems sent a Terminator to 1984 to pull a major fyootch on Sarah Connor.

In a textbook sci-fi-counter-fyootch, John Connor sent Kyle Reese back to 1984 as well.

Biff Tannen committs negligent-self-fyootch in Back to the Future II, followed by a Marty-Mcfly-counter-fyootch whose murder is averted only by a classic Doc-Brown authoritative-rescue-fyootch.

Blobout Me

My photo
Berlin, Germany
Here, you will meet a series of alter egos.