Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy

With world markets crumbling, the unpredictable behavior of crude oil pricing, and the rapid dissapearance of available credit, the economy is headed, as the poet said, the rightway for a smackedbottom and i dont care who knows about it.

In response to this, we are all attempting (or not attempting as the case may be), in our various sectors, to find ways to reduce spending and/or the costs themselves through various methods including firings, undercuttings, overslappings, sidepinnings, bombings, burning of credit documents, gripefittings, pillaging of villages, teargas, paper-towel-usage-reduction, abatement, blackmail, sabotage, strategic whining, and humiliation, to name a few.

The architecture industry has been hit especially hard, since the rich people that architects depend on have become suddenly pessimistic and conservative (with their money, that is). To get through this dark, pathetic, and difficult time, it seems clear that we must start small. On this note, the Ad Hoc project would like to present: Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy.

The short of it is this: NEVER EVER, ever install 3 urinals in a row in a men's restroom. The middle urinal will NEVER get used. Save your client the $78.95 for the middle urinal, and watch them grin in self-adulation for having hired such a brilliant, cost-conscious architect. To explain, we imagine a situation with 3 Urinals labeled 1, 2, and 3, and 3 Men labeled A, B, and C, as well as the following postulate: "When given the opportunity to choose, the average man will NOT stand in a penis-exposed position directly next to another man."

The following tends to occur:

1. Upon entering the empty restroom, Man A will engage either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 (depending upon whether he employs a right or left handed grip), in effect providing a possible Man B with an obligatory 1-stall spacing. Let's say Man A is a south-paw, and he therefore engages the right-most stall (Urinal 3), and initiates evacuation. (The grip-hand is used like a shield, protecting the package from unauthorized inspection.)

2. Upon entering a restroom with Urinals 1 & 2 free and Urinal 3 in use, Man B will instinctively pounce on Urinal 1, regardless of his grip preference.

3. When faced with this scenario, known as a "1-3 Split", Man C will improvise and execute a maneuver called a "Pre-wash Delay", in effect re-routing his motion vector toward the sink for a soapless hand rinse killing the 20-30 seconds until Urinal 1 or 3 is free.

In controlled experiments, the use of partitions seems to have no effect on this phenomenon, as walls only function to heighten the paranoia of being watched.

DISCLAIMER: The Ad Hoc project holds no responsibility for the cancellation of your project even if it occurs despite the $78.95 urinal savings. It that case it was most likely just a shitty design.

/Ad Hoc out.