Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy

With world markets crumbling, the unpredictable behavior of crude oil pricing, and the rapid dissapearance of available credit, the economy is headed, as the poet said, the rightway for a smackedbottom and i dont care who knows about it.

In response to this, we are all attempting (or not attempting as the case may be), in our various sectors, to find ways to reduce spending and/or the costs themselves through various methods including firings, undercuttings, overslappings, sidepinnings, bombings, burning of credit documents, gripefittings, pillaging of villages, teargas, paper-towel-usage-reduction, abatement, blackmail, sabotage, strategic whining, and humiliation, to name a few.

The architecture industry has been hit especially hard, since the rich people that architects depend on have become suddenly pessimistic and conservative (with their money, that is). To get through this dark, pathetic, and difficult time, it seems clear that we must start small. On this note, the Ad Hoc project would like to present: Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy.

The short of it is this: NEVER EVER, ever install 3 urinals in a row in a men's restroom. The middle urinal will NEVER get used. Save your client the $78.95 for the middle urinal, and watch them grin in self-adulation for having hired such a brilliant, cost-conscious architect. To explain, we imagine a situation with 3 Urinals labeled 1, 2, and 3, and 3 Men labeled A, B, and C, as well as the following postulate: "When given the opportunity to choose, the average man will NOT stand in a penis-exposed position directly next to another man."

The following tends to occur:

1. Upon entering the empty restroom, Man A will engage either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 (depending upon whether he employs a right or left handed grip), in effect providing a possible Man B with an obligatory 1-stall spacing. Let's say Man A is a south-paw, and he therefore engages the right-most stall (Urinal 3), and initiates evacuation. (The grip-hand is used like a shield, protecting the package from unauthorized inspection.)

2. Upon entering a restroom with Urinals 1 & 2 free and Urinal 3 in use, Man B will instinctively pounce on Urinal 1, regardless of his grip preference.

3. When faced with this scenario, known as a "1-3 Split", Man C will improvise and execute a maneuver called a "Pre-wash Delay", in effect re-routing his motion vector toward the sink for a soapless hand rinse killing the 20-30 seconds until Urinal 1 or 3 is free.

In controlled experiments, the use of partitions seems to have no effect on this phenomenon, as walls only function to heighten the paranoia of being watched.

DISCLAIMER: The Ad Hoc project holds no responsibility for the cancellation of your project even if it occurs despite the $78.95 urinal savings. It that case it was most likely just a shitty design.

/Ad Hoc out.

Evidence of the Antimatterhorn found!

from Reuters:

A night janitor, sweeping corridor 233 between airlocks #28 and #29 of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) near Geneva, Switzerland has found the first evidence of the Antimatterhorn, once thought to exist at the geographic midpoint between the Matterhorn in Switzerland and the Disneyland Matterhorn replica in Anaheim, California.  

Working off of a sketch found in one of Albert Einstein's last notebooks, the National Science Foundation had approached Walt Disney in 1952 about subsidizing the construction of his latest ride so that they could attempt to reveal the existence of the Antimatterhorn, one of a handful of Holy-Grails in theoretical particle physics.  Disney had intented to reconstruct Mount Everest but with this new NSF-backing, changed his plan to build a replica of the Matterhorn instead.  Einstein's notes posit that the ultimate source of electronic sound should exist at the midpoint between the Matterhorn and a 1/100 scale model of the Matterhorn built near the San Andreas fault in Southern California.  This midpoint is on the northern tip of Newfoundland, nearly on the Quebec border.

Jens Schneider, working his second week without overtime pay for the budget-strapped multi-national LHC project, had moved a trash receptacle about 10cm away from the corridor wall, when suddenly he found a pair of headphones appear out of nowhere, magnetized to his ears.  He was then levitated 45cm above the floor.  Gradually, he was bombarded by bass frequencies normally not apparent to the human ear.  "Was ich gehört habe, habe ich NIE vorher gehört, " remarked Schneider.  "Ich habe danach den Ad Hoc Project angerufen weil ich dachte vielleicht Dr. Ad Hoc wüsste was wir machen soll.  Ich hatte recht." 

Following the discovery, the Ad Hoc project has positioned a mobile workstation onsite to investigate further and will oversee all future developments regarding the Antimatterhorn and its potential influence on humanity.

what is known:

1. The Antimatterhorn is the new multi-tronically charged music project overseen by Dr. Ad Hoc.

2. The Antimatterhorn is an extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the Matterhorn, where the Antimatterhorn is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the Matterhorn is composed of particles.

3. Mixing the Antimatterhorn and the Matterhorn would result in the annihilation of both.

4. Mixing the Antimatterhorn and the replica of the Matterhorn would result in the annihilation of Disneyland.

5. The Antimatterhorn cannot be stored in a container made of the Matterhorn or Disneyland because it would annihilate both itself and the container.

6. The Antimatterhorn, when charged, can theoretically be contained in a combination electric field and magnetic field known as a Penning Trap.

Check back here for future releases regarding the Antimatterhorn

/Ad Hoc out.

how to optimize the system

first select the the people
rotate the people 180 degrees
mirror them so they face each other
put each on a different layer

create a folder
give the folder a name: "Them"
move the people into this folder
move this folder below the "sky" layer and above the "ground" layer

open the folder

adjust the contrast so that the people are stronger against the background

create a new layer "sun"
move this layer above the "sky" layer
use the paint bucket to fill the window with a yellow color

add trees and plants

apply the motion filter

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