The Ad Hoc Project

alternate future

2011-08-23T15:22:00.002+02:00

from the prc

woke up at 8

went back to bed at 10, slept till 1

feeling jetlagged

went to muji, bought some gridded pads for writing chinese characters

rode the metro to shaanxi lu, went to the area of parson's school of music

looked for guitar under 1000 rmb. did not find it. back to the drawing board.

walked to yaga's. worked on chinese and bodenschatz paper.

feeling groggy.

studying some chinese now. going to bed.

Opening a New Office - Step 1

2011-03-03T13:58:00.002+01:00

The first and most important order of business to consider when opening a new office is the selection of a good espresso machine.

Gross Negligence

2009-11-20T14:42:00.005+01:00

I brought it home.
And it died.

I fed it Tortilla Chips and Guacamole but it still died.

I played it a record of a symphony by Jean Sibelius but it died anyway.

It had plenty of daylight. It even went so far as to comment on how nice the daylight was.

Then it died.

I prepared a soft bed for it and read Jules Verne to it. It listened, fell asleep, and then died.

In the summer, I took it to the beach and built it a sand castle. Then it stomped on the sand castle and died shortly thereafter.

On Tuesday, I made it pancakes. It stared at the pancakes for about 7 minutes, then it went outside and drowned itself.

We sat on the sofa together and watched episodes of Seinfeld. About halfway through the third one, it stopped breathing.

My advice would be

next time, don't leave it with me.

Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy

2009-03-31T10:16:00.013+02:00

With world markets crumbling, the unpredictable behavior of crude oil pricing, and the rapid dissapearance of available credit, the economy is headed, as the poet said, the rightway for a smackedbottom and i dont care who knows about it.

In response to this, we are all attempting (or not attempting as the case may be), in our various sectors, to find ways to reduce spending and/or the costs themselves through various methods including firings, undercuttings, overslappings, sidepinnings, bombings, burning of credit documents, gripefittings, pillaging of villages, teargas, paper-towel-usage-reduction, abatement, blackmail, sabotage, strategic whining, and humiliation, to name a few.

The architecture industry has been hit especially hard, since the rich people that architects depend on have become suddenly pessimistic and conservative (with their money, that is). To get through this dark, pathetic, and difficult time, it seems clear that we must start small. On this note, the Ad Hoc project would like to present: Architectural Budget-Saving Tip #73 - The Triple-John Fallacy.

The short of it is this: NEVER EVER, ever install 3 urinals in a row in a men's restroom. The middle urinal will NEVER get used. Save your client the $78.95 for the middle urinal, and watch them grin in self-adulation for having hired such a brilliant, cost-conscious architect. To explain, we imagine a situation with 3 Urinals labeled 1, 2, and 3, and 3 Men labeled A, B, and C, as well as the following postulate: "When given the opportunity to choose, the average man will NOT stand in a penis-exposed position directly next to another man."

The following tends to occur:

1. Upon entering the empty restroom, Man A will engage either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 (depending upon whether he employs a right or left handed grip), in effect providing a possible Man B with an obligatory 1-stall spacing. Let's say Man A is a south-paw, and he therefore engages the right-most stall (Urinal 3), and initiates evacuation. (The grip-hand is used like a shield, protecting the package from unauthorized inspection.)

2. Upon entering a restroom with Urinals 1 & 2 free and Urinal 3 in use, Man B will instinctively pounce on Urinal 1, regardless of his grip preference.

3. When faced with this scenario, known as a "1-3 Split", Man C will improvise and execute a maneuver called a "Pre-wash Delay", in effect re-routing his motion vector toward the sink for a soapless hand rinse killing the 20-30 seconds until Urinal 1 or 3 is free.

In controlled experiments, the use of partitions seems to have no effect on this phenomenon, as walls only function to heighten the paranoia of being watched.

DISCLAIMER: The Ad Hoc project holds no responsibility for the cancellation of your project even if it occurs despite the $78.95 urinal savings. It that case it was most likely just a shitty design.

/Ad Hoc out.

Evidence of the Antimatterhorn found!

2009-03-29T22:21:00.004+02:00

from Reuters:

A night janitor, sweeping corridor 233 between airlocks #28 and #29 of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) near Geneva, Switzerland has found the first evidence of the Antimatterhorn, once thought to exist at the geographic midpoint between the Matterhorn in Switzerland and the Disneyland Matterhorn replica in Anaheim, California.

Working off of a sketch found in one of Albert Einstein's last notebooks, the National Science Foundation had approached Walt Disney in 1952 about subsidizing the construction of his latest ride so that they could attempt to reveal the existence of the Antimatterhorn, one of a handful of Holy-Grails in theoretical particle physics. Disney had intented to reconstruct Mount Everest but with this new NSF-backing, changed his plan to build a replica of the Matterhorn instead. Einstein's notes posit that the ultimate source of electronic sound should exist at the midpoint between the Matterhorn and a 1/100 scale model of the Matterhorn built near the San Andreas fault in Southern California. This midpoint is on the northern tip of Newfoundland, nearly on the Quebec border.

Jens Schneider, working his second week without overtime pay for the budget-strapped multi-national LHC project, had moved a trash receptacle about 10cm away from the corridor wall, when suddenly he found a pair of headphones appear out of nowhere, magnetized to his ears. He was then levitated 45cm above the floor. Gradually, he was bombarded by bass frequencies normally not apparent to the human ear. "Was ich gehört habe, habe ich NIE vorher gehört, " remarked Schneider. "Ich habe danach den Ad Hoc Project angerufen weil ich dachte vielleicht Dr. Ad Hoc wüsste was wir machen soll. Ich hatte recht."

Following the discovery, the Ad Hoc project has positioned a mobile workstation onsite to investigate further and will oversee all future developments regarding the Antimatterhorn and its potential influence on humanity.

what is known:

1. The Antimatterhorn is the new multi-tronically charged music project overseen by Dr. Ad Hoc.

2. The Antimatterhorn is an extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the Matterhorn, where the Antimatterhorn is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the Matterhorn is composed of particles.

3. Mixing the Antimatterhorn and the Matterhorn would result in the annihilation of both.

4. Mixing the Antimatterhorn and the replica of the Matterhorn would result in the annihilation of Disneyland.

5. The Antimatterhorn cannot be stored in a container made of the Matterhorn or Disneyland because it would annihilate both itself and the container.

6. The Antimatterhorn, when charged, can theoretically be contained in a combination electric field and magnetic field known as a Penning Trap.

Check back here for future releases regarding the Antimatterhorn

/Ad Hoc out.

how to optimize the system

2009-03-18T12:24:00.001+01:00

first select the the people
rotate the people 180 degrees
mirror them so they face each other
put each on a different layer

create a folder
give the folder a name: "Them"
move the people into this folder
move this folder below the "sky" layer and above the "ground" layer

open the folder

adjust the contrast so that the people are stronger against the background

create a new layer "sun"
move this layer above the "sky" layer
use the paint bucket to fill the window with a yellow color

add trees and plants

apply the motion filter

print

wordological wordism: fyootch

2009-02-27T16:11:00.002+01:00

to fyootch:

to time travel backwards, locate friends and contemporaries of one's ancestors (and/or the ancestors themselves), and intervene somehow in reaction to things they are going to do later in life.

various usage examples:

In my dream, Shawn Penn fyootched his great-great-great-grandfather a mean one.

Shawn Penn is a bastard fyootcher.

Cyberdyne Systems sent a Terminator to 1984 to pull a major fyootch on Sarah Connor.

In a textbook sci-fi-counter-fyootch, John Connor sent Kyle Reese back to 1984 as well.

Biff Tannen committs negligent-self-fyootch in Back to the Future II, followed by a Marty-Mcfly-counter-fyootch whose murder is averted only by a classic Doc-Brown authoritative-rescue-fyootch.

the following dreamt on 23 feb. 2009 -

2009-02-25T15:53:00.005+01:00

Shawn Penn, great great great grandson of Sean Penn, was visiting me from the year 2165 and had brought me a trans-conciousness device with which I was supposed to swap consciousnesses with Sean Penn and attempt to control his violent urges so as to avert some sort of cultural apocolypse that he is going to bring about in 2012.

a wordological wordism: "schumacher" (v.)

2009-02-05T15:19:00.006+01:00

schumacher (auf Deutsch: schumacher)
usage: (to) schumacher (something)

to embellish, alter, or manipulate something for ANY or ALL of the following reasons:

1. a 3-picture deal
2. $16.4 million
3. widespread appeal
4. putting asses in seats.

Origin: In the mid-90´s, as a kind of modern-day (and high-profile) version of Ed Wood, film director Joel Schumacher took the reins of an otherwise respectable filmmaking tradition (Batman) and turned it into a tour-de-FARCE. With nothing even remotely harkening to the creativity and zaniness of the old TV show nor the darkness and slick stylized storytelling of the two Tim Burton Batman projects, the (count 'em) two Schumacher Batman films took the series (and superhero films in general) to an all-time low. Appearing as though Schumacher called all the A-list celebrities he knew and asked them to run around in costume on a Hollywood sound stage, Batman Forever (1995), and Batman & Robin (1997) have come to represent a period of complacency, over-indulgence, and what-the-fuck-is-this-itude in Hollywood cinema. Recently, Christopher Nolan has resurrected the legend yet again, more so in the Burtonesque tradition (minus a kick-ass musical theme from danny elfman), and going perhaps more extreme into gritty realism (which apparently everyone has to do now because of, I dont know, terrorism and Computer Animation?) It was as though, following 9/11, everyone was like, "Shit! violence IS real! I had no idea...from now on, we better stick to representing reality!"...but I digress. Anyway, while the new films have been well received, The Ad Hoc Project is concerned that Batman has become a bit of the village bicycle and would like to encourage the general superhero discourse to move on (read: lots of pressure on The Watchmen).

*NOTE: While normally we attempt to champion fair and balanced reporting, the staff here at the The Ad Hoc Project must confess that we unanimously feel that the first Batman film, Batman (1990), is really the first and best post-modern attempt on the story. Tim Burton´s storytelling skills, his collaboration with danny elfman and prince, and his signature balance of realism and style, combined with some awesome casting decisions and performances make the film the only one necessary. The next 5, we find irrelevant. Also when lined up next to each other, we feel that the Batmoblie from the first film is 47% more "menancing", and 62% "cooler-looking" than the Batmobile from any of the other films.

T.A.O.T.G. Episode 3: Of Agnes Borchardt: Dentist, Reliable Bar Patron, and Sometime Giver of Assistance and Equipment.

2008-04-20T22:08:00.013+02:00

"Dr. Borchardt is not in on Tuesdays. Would you like to make an appointment with her associate Dr. Marvin?" No, I would not.

"No, I would not, thank you," I say semi-politely and hang up the phone. Agnes Borchardt, D.D.S. works 3 days a week. I guess in dentistry if you can find a few others who share your passion for working as little as possible, you can open a partnership office and work only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. This also seems to mean that dentists earn enough to live on from 3 days of work (and when you break it down, the appointments on those days seem to only happen between 9 and 3). Yeah...dentistry really starts to seem like a sham...but I digress.

Anyway, our healthcare provider is an HMO and Borchardt was the first name on the list when I, at the behest of my mother, decided to go in for a cleaning last year. I can never recall exactly how it went down but during that initial visit, she was somehow able to use her dental powers to not only extract from my mouth a loose filling, but also that I was an on-comission P.I. and would handsomely reward a client referral. It was barely a week later that I was working the Friday night shift downstairs and first learned about my dentist's love of the sauce. (Note: She has absolutely never, as far as I can tell, performed any dentistical procedures under the influence of alcohol or drugs.) (I think she merely likes to throw down a few on her off-days, which number 4 for those playing at home.)(I hope thats it.)

Now, when you work as a bartender, even as little as I do, you'll come to find that a lot of your friends are alcoholics or a bunch of alcoholics have become your friends, or something; you don't even remember which way it goes. Agnes is a textbook one-of-these.

Come to think of it, I've given 12 client-referral drink coupons in the last year and all but one were from Agnes. I really don't know how she does it. She's really just some kind of social "gap-filler", uniting the collective unconscious, bringing souls closer together. And she throws down Appletinis like water.

Other important facts:

I guess to keep her office environment loose and friendly, she insists that patients and everyone call her by her first name. When she comes in the bar, however, I like to make everyone call her "Doctor". I think it makes her nervous. I just find it funny to hear "Another Drink, Doctor?" And then sometimes when talking about her in the 3rd person, I call her the Shard. It sounds sinister. As in: "You dont wanna tell us about Carlito??? Maybe we should see if the Shard has a better idea..."

In all seriousness, her socio-commuicational skills have come in handy and she has assisted several times in "smoothly & efficiently" extracting desired information from people. (See Case #258: The Taco-shop Polygamists and the Wedding-Gift-Registry Scam)

Also, Deeb Mueller and I once borrowed her X-Ray machine to survey the contents of a briefcase. Yes, we did. And it worked.

T.A.O.T.G. Supplemental Materials 1

2008-04-02T00:39:00.008+02:00

Dear loyal reader,

because i have time in between incoming calls, i've decided to periodically post documents related to our story. the following materials are pdfs. let me know if this is a problem, and i'll have one of our interns make jpegs or something and then bring me a goddamn cappuccino.

1. and now to pull the rug out from under the acronym, or: if our story had a "cover"

2. the first comp beverage ticket (ref. episode 2)

3. the fax I received from the Admiral (ref. episode 2). the man can talk and fax at the same time. it's mindblowing.

4. a t-shirt idea that is now officially public domain. if you use it, at least send me a picture. (ref. episode 2)

see you soon in episode 3

sincerely,

t. green

T.A.O.T.G. Episode 2: Of The Admiral, how he characterizes himself, and how I came into his employment.

2008-03-31T14:30:00.031+02:00

An impatient and clearly accented voice is on the other end of the line. It`s some form of Euro-English but I can´t tell initially whether its of the UK or Australian variety.

"Hellau?...Yes-Yes, well, Bainbridge here. S. Bainbridge...Admiral Bainbridge, see? Is this Green, extension 7, Acme P.I.?

This sounds like a referral. I open the first drawer of my desk, pull out a comp beverage ticket, and place it next to the phone. This reminds me to ask at some point during the conversation for the caller to identify the referring party. It´s kind of a dirty trick though because I´ll just score a tip on the "free" drink later. It´s dirty pool but then we are kind of a 2-bit operation. I write the letter ´a` in the corner of this ticket because my skills of detection tell me Agnes sent this one my way. She´d be most likely to know someone like this and she´s an alcoholic.

"Yes, Mr. Bainbridge, this is Gr-"
"Oustanding-outstanding...Actually it´s about bloody time; I rang earlier and your line was occupied. What kind of 2-bit operation are you running over there without an answering service? Nevermind, then. Let´s get down to brass tacks here Green.
"Ok."
"Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a small, small man, Mr. Green. A mere crumpet under 5 feet. But I have large, illustrious, IN-dustrious ideas!! I´m an idea man, see? A big picture man. I see the whole bloody picture, loud and clear. Show me 3 eggs, sugar, and a pound of Irish butter, and I see shortbread. There are big picture men and there are detail men; do you follow me, Mr. Green?"
"I...think so-"
"Good-good. I like you Green. I like you a lot. Let me explain."

Talking to this guy is like riding on a Ferris Wheel with the Wizard of Oz. I dont´t know what that means. He goes on:

"You see, I´m starting a new project, well, a buisness, well, let´s call it simply a venture. Or an exploit. And I´m assembling a team of individuals. Skilled individuals, see? Detail people...follow me? I´ll delve into the exploit and the nature of the individuals later. Anyhow, my personality unfortunately prohibits me from trusting anyone. This is where you come in, Mr. Green. I would like to hire you as a member of my team but secretly only as a kind of ´mole´. You will be given tasks in the presence of the other team members but outside of team meetings, your only job will be to watch the others like a hungry, lonely, meat-vulture and report to me explicitly at another time and date about their behaviors. I must know, can you handle this, Mr. Green?"
"Well, I think-"
"Smashing! I knew I could count on you! We´ll meet twice a week, once for team meetings and once for your report. I will pay whatever you want. Fax me a contract. Our first meeting is Wednesday at 8pm. Come round to my flat for a late supper."

A fax rolls off my machine with the Admiral's address. He's out of control.

"This will be the first team meeting. See you in 2 days Mr. Green."
"Wait a minute, sir, I-"
"My dentist, Mr. Green: Agnes Borchardt. She spoke highly of you. Fancy that, we have the same dentist...Good day, Mr. Green."
-click-

And thus, the all-knowing, all-powerful Admiral had spoken. Upon de-board of this wacky carnival ride of a conversation, I exhale and flip to ´B` in my Rollodex.

You must be at least this tall to communicate with me.

T.A.O.T.G. Episode 1: Of why and when the phone is answered.

2008-03-13T10:00:00.015+01:00

The phone rang.

No seriously, it really did ring but when it does I always think about how 78% of all detective stories start with this sentence and the irony being that 100% of my cases start this way not because this is, in a way, a detective story, but rather because that’s how my job works. I am, to put it simply, an on-call associate for Acme Private Investigation & Fine Italian Dining, Inc. I’m a P.I. like Magnum minus the whole swanky Hawaii gig. And the moustache. Like many industries, the P.I. industry was appropriated in the late 90s by corporations and now I work at a desk in a cubicle taking calls from our hotline. I don’t drive a Ferrari but when the phone rings, I know for a fact that something at least slightly mysterious awaits me at the other end. I live for these morsels of irony.

The phone rang again.

Ah, the sound of an actual bell. Last year the boss bought all of us these olive-green Mountain-Bell rotary phones from 1972 because he said it would create a more “Sam Spade-like” office environment. I must admit, in this day of cell phone ring tone madness, the mechanical bell sound is music to my ears.

But wait, you say. Whats up with “Private Investiagation & Fine Italian Dining”? Interesting story. In 2001, we hired our 40th Associate and basically got too big for our britches. Three months later the boss purchased a two-story building downtown with more than enough office space upstairs. What was on the ground floor? Carter’s Seafood. This old bastard Carter had basically run his restaurant into the ground and was about to liquidate. The boss decided to buy everything in a lump and reopen it as an Italian joint. I guess he figured he could save us a little money on lunch while making a little money on the outside world. The kicker is that 2 days out of the month we all have to rotate through the service team in the restaurant. I tend bar.

Yet again, the phone rang.

By the third ring, I’m usually starting to feel a little guilty for not picking up as we are supposed to be a pseudo-emergency hotline. But then if you’re having a heart attack, I can’t help you anyway, other than transferring you to 9-11, which I have done, twice.
“Acme Investigations & Italian, Green Speaking. Personal, professional, or take-out?”
“…(gurgling)…I’ve….been…shot…I think…I…”
“Please hold while I transfer you to emergency dispatch.”

I guess the point, if there really is one, is that I usually answer my phone about halfway between the 3rd and 4th rings. That gives me an answering rhythm, or “A.R.”, as the Bobs like to call it, of 3.5. And I do it not to be an asshole, but merely to take the few moments mechanically allotted to me by the telephone to reflect on how point A led to point B, which led to C, and so on...

And so this is when I pick up.

a glaring oversight... Dawn read the blog AND COMMENTED!

2007-09-23T19:51:00.000+02:00

for those of you who haven't tuned in recently, i completely overlooked an important moment in the space/time continuum of the the ad hoc project. an actual subject of a blog entry COMMENTED! according to wikipedia this occurs in nature only in remote parts of the globe. anyway i'm excited and i hope you are too. you can read it after the entry or i'm posting it below because it should be its own blog entry. (click here for the referenced entry)

Dawn said...: Adam,Ihave expanded my pop culture knowledge. I also enjoy the poetry of that little short dead dude, Tupac. I like his poetry except when he gets cutesy and uses 4 instead of for or u instead of You. I find that obnoxious. I do not like 50 Cent. I think he is a big worthless idiot and a horrible role model for kids. He said once that if he wasn't a rapper he would earn money selling crack. What an idiotic thing to say especially when young people listen to him. That is all for now. Oh, I told the kids at school the Busta Rhymes story the other day too. They just think I'm a weirdo. Dawn

i love it - ad hoc

The Ad Hypocrit inside of the Ad Hoc

2007-09-16T21:11:00.001+02:00

hollywood is an evil, evil machine. over the course of the last 80 years, it has come to symbolize all that is wrong with the corporate attempt to subjugate and control the creation of culture and how it is distributed to the general public. over time its strength has become such that any film that doesn't fit into some sort of simplified genre is relegated to the so-called "independent" circuit (which, i might add, has also been subversively annexed by the major studios through their use of carefully named "independent" divisions.) as an amateur filmaker myself, i have to accept that any time i set foot in a major-studio-sponsored cineplex anywhere in the world, i am in effect acting directly against the chance that anything i ever make will have even the most remote chance of wide release.

why then, am i so fucking stoked by the concept of a 4th Indiana Jones film?

Hoc Cam 1.0

2007-09-16T21:00:00.000+02:00

location: home
time: 21:46
hat: definitely unnecessary

Here we go with another ZANY edition of: "Dawn Halterman's Pop Culture 101"

2007-09-11T20:52:00.000+02:00

as the title somewhat presumptuously presumes, i hope this will become some sort of serial mainstay of the ad hoc project, but if not, oh well.

anyway, the basis for the segment "Dawn Halterman's Pop Culture 101" happened one fine evening years ago at the Halterman residence in Phoenix, AZ.

(rose, forgive me if i'm telling this story wrong but i quote section 6, pararaph 5 of the Blog and Sedition Acts of 1783 (worded by Jefferson himself) "Oral tradition ain't exactly a high-fidelity telegraph and therefore it's veracity shalt naught be highly regarded. As for it's entertainment value, may the bullshyte of a thousand blog entries enrich thy soul tenfold!!!" and then it was passed in the newly-formed 2nd Continental Congress 38-2-1(abstention puerto rico), but i digress.)

so anyhow, One evening in early spring i was gathered with the Haltermans 'round the fire, o'er the hearth, 'nder ye old roof "kicking it old-school" as it were, and talking casually over the weeks events. i'd guess mr. halterman was there, as was rose, perhaps rose's brother andy, 2-3 golden retrievers, and finally mrs. halterman herself. over the the dull roar of a cubs game, rose and i were discussing the ins and outs of the hip-hopical genius of one of the lead members of the east-coast rap collective known as the Flipmode Squad, a.k.a. Busta Rhymes.
"that song gimmee some mo' kicks f--king ass," i may have exclaimed.
"fo sho," rose added, "and check this out, i figured out last week that the sample on that song is from the score to Hitchcock's Psycho." rose and i both highly regard Sir Alfred Hitchcock as the master, nye the god, nye the POPE of suspense. needless to say, we celebrate the man's entire catalog.
"no way!" thats awesome," i said.
"i know. any rapper that would sample from a Hitchcock film gets mad props in my book," rose said, or something to that effect.

and then suddenly, amidst our self-gratifying laughter, mrs. halterman, sitting across the room in another chair hits one right over our heads and out of left field...
"Busta Rhymes? YEAH!, I know Busta Rhymes! I like him...he's good," she says with a little more than a hint of chicago accent. rose and i are dead silent, and then we look at each other. rose speaks first.
"Ummm...ok. Mom, where did you see Busta Rhymes?"
"I saw him on TV," she quickly retorts. rose looks over at me. i will never be able to accurately describe in blog form the sort of naive but self-assured confidence of one mrs. halterman. you have to see it to believe it. the way she sort of passively participated in our conversation, piped in her two cents at the right moment, and then returned her attention back to the cubs game gave us every reason to believe that she was, in fact, well-aware of Busta Rhymes and moreover had been exposed enough to his work so as to develop an opinion of him. i give rose the "sure, why not?" look.

"Hmmmm, ok Mom. Yeah, we really like him too," rose says. And then feeling somehow defeated, we all sit there for another hour or so watching the cubs lose in silence.

And now the epilogue to this story and impetus for "The Ad Hoc Project presents: "Dawn Halterman's Pop Culture 101"" (followed by the first entry):

So later, upon playing a Busta Rhymes CD in the family stereo (during a short-lived but rousing session of "listen to gangsta rap with your parents") the truth was revealed. rose and i found out that mrs. halterman had actually mistaken Busta Rhymes for 80's faux-lounge-singer Buster Poindexter. the cd was promptly stopped, removed, and concealed. a session of laughter commenced.

So in tribute to this random but cherished story, i bring you the first installment of "The Ad Hoc Project presents: "Dawn Halterman's Pop Culture 101: Buster Poindexter vs. Busta Rhymes" wherein 2 subjects of popular culture linked only by some superfluous detail will be briefly examined and reported on in tandem:

Buster on the left, Busta on the right. so a lot of this stuff is from wikipedia but what isn't these days. Anyway, first i should note that these guys have quite a bit more in common than it may appear at first. Both work under pseudonyms, both are musicians, both are from new york, and both have acted. (i start to wonder if their agents ever kicked around the idea of a tour: Bustapalooza. they could really cover a lot of demographic territory.)

Buster Poindexter: real name David Johansen,
Born: Jan. 9, 1950 (that makes him 57)
Previous Bill: lead singer of the New York Dolls! I had no idea...theres been a resurgence of interest in the New York Dolls, an early NY punk band, and I really had no clue this was the same guy. wow. apparently after the Dolls broke up, he started this Buster Poindexter alter-ego touring and making several records as a trashy lounge singer (but somehow i remember the quality being higher than trashy, comments?)
The one-hit: remember that annoying-as-all-hell ditty "hot hot hot"? this was buster. he's even quoted as saying on NPR that the song was "the bane of my life". poor guy, but then if you're gonna waltz around with a pompidor doing shitty lounge music, you're asking for banity (is that a word?)
Most famous acting role: played the ghost of christmas past in Scrooged
Bacon number: 2
David Johansen was in Burnzy's Last Call (1995) with Carolyn McCormick
Carolyn McCormick was in Loverboy (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Busta Rhymes: real name Trevor Smith Jr.
Born: may 20, 1972 (he's 35), in brooklyn of jamaican heritage
Where "Busta" came from: Chuck D of public enemy gave him the name (i must say that would be cool to say chuck D named you.)
Phun Phact: hes a member of the "5 percent nation", an offshoot or sect within the nation of islam. check out this link...it's pretty wild stuff...mystic numbers and whatnot...wu-tang clan also has some members.
Most famous acting role: Rasaan in Shaft (with samuel l. jackson)
Bacon number: also a 2!
Busta Rhymes was in Shaft (2000) with John Elsen
John Elsen was in Loverboy (2005) with Kevin Bacon

and finally...i know whats on your mind: how many degrees seperate Buster from Busta. without further ado:
Busta Rhymes was in Who's the Man? (1993) with Colin Quinn
Colin Quinn was in Crooked Lines (2003) with David Johansen

only 2! i hope you've enjoyed the first installment of "The Ad Hoc Project presents: "Dawn Halterman's Pop Culture 101: Buster Poindexter vs. Busta Rhymes" good day.

"He's not stung, he's not stinging, he's STING!": a review of David Lynch's 1984 shitsterpiece Dune

2007-09-07T01:27:00.001+02:00

let me pre-empt this by saying i love just about everything david lynch has touched. if you haven´t already explored the lynchian universe, i can only offer this to convince: his films are pure exercises in mood and atmosphere. plot is secondary to behavior, characterization, and circumstance (much like real life, i would say, even though at first the films appear to have nothing to do with reality). if you think you might be in to this, i would suggest going out and renting every lynch film except:

Dune (1984), based on the novel by Frank Herbert

so last saturday i'm in Saturn at Alexanderplatz (German equivalent of Best Buy) browsing the DVDs and i come across a section organized by director. the last DVD under David Lynch is a 2-disc set of Dune. i was very excited because Dune happens to be the only Lynch project i havent seen and at a sehr, sehr klein Preis of 4,99 Euro, i decided to hook it up. the thing about dune is that lynch ended up inflating the budget beyond belief ("i promise, i just need 50 grand for 2 tons of theatrical mucus, then thats it") and getting into a major creative conflict with those putting up the money. in the end there were several versions released including a theatrical version (endorsed by lynch) and a longer television version (not endorsed by the man).

so, i set up the projector, bought a 0,5L Czech Beer, a falafel im brot, and dove in.

the film starts with a young virginia madsen (paul giamatti's love interest in A. Payne's unexpectedly good film Sideways) as princess irulan explaining the premise of the film whilst fading in and out to star scenes and some pretty sweet graphics showing the planets in the dune universe (let's call it the 'duniverse'). it reminded me of the floating credits at the beginning of star wars. (it should be noted here that lynch was actually given the keys to Return of the Jedi and turned it down! talk about balls...) anyway, then the credits roll over shots of deserts. overall i really dig the intro. i like how lynch's directorial tools are pretty elementary, fading one image over another, in and out.

so basically in the duniverse you got a series of planets, the residents of which can't seem to live in harmony (standard sci-fi premise #3 on the list of the top 5 sci-fi premises). and on one particular planet, you got a precious spice called melange, which is capable of a number things including (although not limited to): causing a heightened state of consciousness, allowing for interstellar travel, and in general making everybody who gets within 2 meters of it a little bit loony. i think its a metaphor for television.

so anyhow the emperor wants to set a trap and pit several of the races in the duniverse against each other so he publicly hands control of the spice mining from the Harkonnens (led by this wacky mutated baron and his wackier nephews, one of which is played by Sting i kid you not.) to the Atreidis led more or less by a potential chosen-one named Paul (played by Kyle Showgirls MacLachlan).

at this point i'm thinking "ok, although the plot is a bit over-complicated and a bit standard really, there is still loads of potential here for the typical sci-fi blockbuster".

where does lynch go with it? somewhere else. after the credits, we're basically taken on a slow paced tour through incredibly detailed worlds where not so much happens but people dress up in amazing costumes and walk through intricately designed palaces and caverns. very kubrick-esque. but it is this characteristic that makes it a textbook shitsterpiece. i even slept a half an hour sometime after Paul meets up with the Fremen. and when i awoke i was able to fold myself right back into the film as though nothing had happened. it was mindblowing, as if i was on melange.

also, evidently the characters in this film have in fact NOT lost their inner monologue (due to the unfreezing process) and therefore periodically we get to hear such insightful voiceovers as, "i wonder why he would do that." or, "why am i feeling this?" i guess they felt Kyle just couldn't pull off a "why am i feeling this?" facial expression.

the thing about all this, however, is that despite its virtual lack of mainstream appeal, i love it because it is chock full of the standard david lynch preoccupations such as b-movie special effects, hideous floating booger-like creatures, sexual ambiguity, fringe behaviors, and rock stars. thats right, lynch likes casting rock stars. from marilyn manson in lost highway to david bowie in twin peaks, and in this case to Sting... so Sting plays one of the baron's goofy nephews and he acts his little heart out and in one lynch-esque scene, the baron is floating around this smoking chamber and giggling gaily about something going on inside. when the baron is distracted, the fun stops and the "object" in the chamber comes out:

we all do things from time to time that maybe we shouldn't have. on the other hand, i might do something like this if david lynch asked me to. in any case, i give the film 3.5 stars. the bottom line is: the film is virtually unwatchable but quite fun to sort of look at whilst eating cheap food. nevertheless a shitsterpiece. plus you got sting in this get-up. and sandworms.

i guess this wasn't much of a film review but rather a review of the experience of watching a film. i'm ok with that. i hope you are too. OR, perhaps it was just a vehicle for posting an image of a hug-seeking Sting wearing an art-deco-wing-tip thong.

a wordological wordism: "shitsterpiece"

2007-08-30T21:51:00.000+02:00

so wordological wordisms is basically just going to be a cut-rate version of "nerd words" from Bloda's blog (see link bottom right) where a term that may or may not show up in a subsequent entry of the blog may or may not be defined. anyway...here we go with the first one:

shitsterpiece (auf deutsch: Scheißterstück)

1. the top of the bottom.

2. so bad it might be good.

3. a glorious, shimmering, 4000-story towering inferno of regret and embarrassment.

4. wiping a really dirty ass with a winning $300-million-dollar lottery ticket (such that it is soiled beyond recognition and thus cannot be redeemed)

prerequisites:

1. must be some sort of genius (artistic, scientific, political, etc...)

2. must have either produced a masterpiece or at least have the potential to

examples:

Tim Burton:

masterpiece: Pee Wee's Big Adventure

shitsterpice: Planet of the Apes remake

George Lucas:

masterpiece: Star Wars 4-6

shitsterpice: Star Wars 1-3

United States:

masterpiece: New York

shitsterpiece: Texas

the ad hoc project is conceived (and what the purpose of this blog might be)

2007-08-25T15:37:00.000+02:00

so under the premise of division-angst (see first blog entry), the ad hoc project was born. the name itself combines my first name with a term used to describe impromptu and often improvisational processes undertaken to serve specific purposes. somehow this title seems like an appropriate heading for a life, and in this case, a blog.

the life element:
the ad hoc project will encompass all of my various exploits, thoughts, endeavors, experiences, ideas, and interests.

the blog element:
in my search for the ultimate means of internet self-representation i've come to the conclusion that the best solution for me is to create the website that i seek. once again, this can be found here. while this is being developed, i will continue to maintain my other extensions at myspace and facebook, as well as this blog. so, consider this blog the central nervous system of the ad hoc project where i will attempt to register and record my thoughts regarding anything.

the YOU element:
if YOU are reading this, YOU are now part of the ad hoc project. i encourage YOU to further involve YOURSELF in the ad hoc project by leaving comments or complaints about the blog or anything YOU are inspired to say. the broad scope of this blog may or may not make it consistenly interesting or even coherent. the beauty of the ad hoc project is that it really doesn't care.

that said, please enjoy (or not)!

the struggle against division...

2007-08-25T13:23:00.000+02:00

i'm having issues. i would like to present myself online using one (1) media-rich website and I don't think a site exists at the moment that can help me pull this off. as of today, i have my own personal website (www.theadhocproject.com), a myspace profile, a facebook profile, and now (which I guess is kind of a step backwards) a blogger.com blog. at first, myspace seemed like the best solution. i can blog, post links, provide in-depth personal information, and provide photos. but what if i make short videos and home-made music too? "adam", says myspace, "you can have a musician profile and/or a film maker profile as well!" but i dont want to have 3 goddamn profiles. i am one person that works in a variety of media and i want to present myself as such. i don't want to be split into parts. i am one (1).

i understand that this phenomenon tends to pervade life in general and might even be in our nature. we are reductive. we like to classify and simplify to make things easier to grasp. now, i cannot commit the fallacy of excluding myself from this behavior. this "breaking down" of life definitely makes it more manageable. i'm even doing it now as i try to translate my thoughts into these typographic characters. however, i tend to believe that harmony exists somewhere as a series of balances. balances between hot and cold, fast and slow, and, in this case, the small and the large scale. so consider my plight as some extra weight in the other side of the scale, trying to hold its own against the massive chunk of stone that is trying to break us into our component parts.